You cannot scoop water with your fist

My mom always said you can't get water from a running stream with your fists closed tight and you can't get water with your fingers wide open. But you can with a gentle scoop of both your hands. That's parenting to me:)
It is hard for parents to let go these days, and who would blame us, with all the stories of what happens to our kids when we aren't looking. It can be and should be done, though. We do our children and the world a great disservice when we smother and baby our children. I always say that I'm OK with my kids not liking me for a bit as long as it puts them in a place where others like them. I want my kids to go and know I love them, that I miss them, but I certainly don't dwell on it. When our kids think we are in pain when they aren't with us, they feel bad leaving and they have anxiety about leaving. Sometimes parent will do this on purpose (some don't realize it) because when the kids feel bad leaving it makes the parents feel more needed, wanted and better about their insecurities and fears. I believe that's called projection. This is damaging to kids. Even if you are in fetal position when they go, YOU MUST make them feel good, smile and say, "I will miss you, but I know you will have fun and I can't wait to hear all about it." This is healthy and doesn't put your kids under stress.
I have fears just like other moms, but I know that letting go is part of life and we make them capable by doing so. How awful to be the one kid at a party who can't cut his own food because his mom babies him and thinks that by doing everything for him that is showing love. How sad is a child that can't have fun at a sleepover because he keeps hearing his mom say how sad she will be that he is not with her. If that child calls his mom and needs to be picked up, the mom feels good because he needs her ... this is not good for the child. Children need to build their confidence so they are well adjusted. Love is showing kids how to be independent and capable so they have confidence! Let them struggle at home in a safe place to cut up their food and guide them through instead of setting them up to be crying in front of peers who will make fun of them because they weren't taught. Let them feel good about time away from you so they don't grow up needing constant attention and validation from others.
My kids aren't perfect, and I am not either, but they do their share and we all are happier for it. They know how to strip and make a bed, do a load of laundry and are expected to help with meals, clean up and wash dishes as well as take out the garbage. It makes them better people. They are only 8 and 12, but someday they will be in a relationship and they will have to be a team to make it work. If I do everything for them, they will expect their roommate, partner or coworkers to do the same. This sets them up for failure in life. Self sufficiency is what I strive for. You don't know how? Ask. You think you can't? Try.
They are happier when they help. I am happier when they help. Win win!
As for independence, my 12-year-old has accused me of being overprotective at times. And I tell him this, "If you are going to be mad at me for being a good mom then I'm ok with that." There will always be the "Michael's mom lets him do it." I explain to them that all parents don't make good choices all the time, and just because one choice works for some other child doesn't mean it works for us. That's the long version of "life is not fair!" He doesn't have a cell phone and I will milk that for as long as I can. He is usually with a friend who does and he has not been able to convince me he has to have one yet. Or that he is motivated to pay for part of it. He rides his bike around town or goes for a run and takes a walkie-talkie with him. If he goes up to the local shopping area a mile away I ask him to check in via the Apple Store. Thanks, Apple! He calls, then hopefully always remembers to delete my number from that phone. It's my cutting-edge pay phone deal. He doesn't roam the neighborhood like I used to at 7 or 8 years old. Those were the days when we had to be home before dark and we played hours of made-up games and re-enacted drama from the Dukes of Hazzard and the Bionic Woman (yes, I had the coolest Bionic Woman jump-suit and thought I was all that!)
Sharing your kids with other family and friends is another way to give them independence and confidence. It also gives them other interests to share with you.
I would love to hear ways that you give your kids their wings:)
Enjoy this glorious day!
Celeste